1 Year Without My Son

He Died By Suicide

Alex’s cap, imprinted with one of his tattoos in his own handwriting. Source: Author

Dear Alex,

It all went down just as you wished. All of your family and closest friends received your note at exactly 6:00 pm MST on Monday, December 9.

So you’re dead? You’re just …gone? I didn’t understand then, and I still don’t. Even if I tried, it wouldn’t bring him back. What good would it do to truly understand now? The next day, we heard that Alex (and his friend) had been found in a campground outside of Laramie. There was a knock on my door at about 10:00 pm that evening. The Albuquerque Police Department was there to inform me that your body had been located, and you were deceased.

This was more a formality than a surprise since your Mom had already been paid a visit by the Skokie Police, informing her of the same.

Lacking any other way of creating a fitting tribute to you on this, the first anniversary of your release, I thought I’d send you a letter. Speaking of which, you and Shoshana are such gifted writers. I say “are” because I still have difficulty thinking of you in the past tense.

There are a lot of “onlys” in your story. This has affected Shoshi perhaps more than anyone. She only had one sibling. You were my only son. Same with your Mom. Out of all of the kids that were had in the family, you were one of only two boys born with the same…