Hi, this story really resonated with me, as I lost my son to suicide nearly four years ago. I still don't believe it's permanent. I'm waiting for signals or clues that he is around. I imagine that I will think that until the day I die, for the thought of his being gone forever is still a pill too hard to swallow. I'm glad that you have those memories of Ana. The sense of smell can really bring back memories. I have rocks--rocks that I knew he walked on at his campsite where he took his life.