Oh Bev, I'm sorry. I know it sucks because I've been there. Three times. But the reason I was drinking so much was because I was trying to regulate the cocaine. AA sucked for me. This was all back in the 00s. I was able to quit the coke but not the bottle. It's probably one of the reasons why my last relationship didn't last. Since then, I've been diagnosed with ADHD and take adderall. For whatever reason, it helps me drink less. 4-5 nights a week I have one drink, and it lasts for hours. On other nights I just forget that I drink. It's weird.

I just wanted to say I really feel for you.